This image was taken at the beach in 2011.
I knew He was telling me that I had a daughter. And her name would be Rose.
And then He brought us Noah. A blessing to our family I could never have imagined.
We just kinda put "Rose" on a shelf, but she never left my heart. As a matter of fact, if you look in my studio, I still have these letters sitting on my self, for over a year.
I've left the R there...
I saved the few little items I'd bought for her instead of giving them away....
I just kinda knew in my heart, she was still out there.
Waiting for us.
Flash forward to Monday February 4th. I was feeling really discouraged about money, how we'd pay for this adoption, and why some of these "situations" were so expensive.
I sent a quick email to our new attorney and told her how discouraged I was feeling and just wanted to check in with her. (We were really hoping to be matched through her since her fees were so reasonable and her clients were within driving distance for us so the travel fees wouldn't be as high) She wrote me back and just said to hang in there, she knew it was hard to wait, but it would happen when it's right.
I took a deep breathe and kept moving.
Now it's Wednesday, February 6th, 2013. I was leaving the chiropractor and saw I had a missed call from our adoption attorney. Now in the adoption world it's pretty well known that your case worker or lawyer won't call you unless it's about a child. They will email for 99% of what they need.
But I tried to not get too excited, after all, we'd just sent her our profile and paperwork two weeks ago.
I called her back and it went to voicemail, so I left the most calm message I could muster trying not to sound overly excited about what could be nothing. I was taking the kids to play at our friend Kristin's house and when we arrived, I warned her that I may go running out of the room to answer the phone if our attorney called :) The kids played, we chatted, and then it happened. My phone rang. I ran upstairs and answered. It was E (our attorney)...
"Hey Angela, do you have a few minutes?"
"YES!"
"Okay, your family was chosen by a birth mother, she's due in May!"
"Oh, remember that email you sent me the other day, saying how discouraged you were feeling? Well, as I was writing you back, L was sitting across the desk from me holding your profile book and saying she just loved your family"
Seriously, God?!?!?!?
He is such a show off!
I LOVE how He is in all the details.
It gives me chills every time.
I was in shock, she went over the details, and told me we didn't know the gender of the baby yet.
As you can imagine we have been praying like crazy over our expectant mom, L.
And we have also prayed long and hard about whether or not to share this news.
Many times in the domestic adoption world, they advise you to not share anything until after the baby is born and consents are signed. The baby is obviously not ours until that happens. Many people experience failed matches, and moms change their minds once the baby is born. We know the risks. Which is why we refer to L as the expectant mom and not the birth mother. She doesn't become that until the baby is here and she places the baby with us.
So, here is how I see it. Some people choose to not share that they are pregnant until after the first trimester. When they get out of the real "danger zone" for miscarriage. I totally get that.
But for me, the truth is that I need you.
I need your love, support and encouragement no matter how the chips may fall.
And L needs you. She needs our prayers more than ever, and how amazing is it that I know I can simply ask and so many of you will commit to pray for her.
Will you join me in praying for her?
I refuse to not allow myself the excitement and joy associated with this season of my life. And as my dear friend reminded me, if it falls apart, and she decided to parent, then His grace is enough.
He will be enough to heal my heart. I don't know how long it would take or what that path would look like, but He won't leave me. I do know that.
Now, let's finish this story. L had her ultrasound on Friday and we found out the baby is a GIRL!
My Rose.
Isn't He just awesome.
It's hard. It's messy. It can be painful at times. But let me tell you, there is simply nothing that compares to letting God have the pen. What an astounding author He is.
Eat your heart out Nicholas Sparks, this guy writes the most kick butt love stories. Seriously.
CR and I will drive a few hours away to meet L next weekend. I'll write more about that later... but for now, we are rejoicing! ( And panicking about doing her hair! Yikes!)
I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord, forever;
with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations.
Psalm 89:1